Laughing...but is it funny?
Mar. 8th, 2003 09:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
songofjoy02Knock-knock...I heard my brother at the door, and I could tell which one because of the definiteness of the knock. I could even tell that he was going to be pleasant--his knock told me that. His knock also told me something else--because, you see, he only comes to me (particularly in my room) for one reason. Oh, I know that sounds mean. But it is the truth! It has happened so many times that I've lost count. Whether I'm sleeping or busy doing something, I can depend on him to be pleasant and nice to me when he needs a loan.;-)
So, I got up from preparing a gift for my secret sister and opened the door. He stood there, freshly showered (this was at about 7:30 this evening), rather...well, confident of what I would do, I think. "So, what are you doing?" (Come on now, he only asks that AFTER he's kept his friends up half the night and is bored at home...which is rare, since his friends are usually willing to stay out with him more than half the night.) I can usually tell when questions are not asked for an answer, so I stood there expectantly as he entered my room, waiting for him to make his request. "Do you have some cash I could borrow?" That made me laugh aloud...quite loud, in fact. How's that for a fulfilled expectation? "Twenty would be enough. I can write you a check, but I need cash." I have continued to ask him why he doesn't keep some cash. "Because if I have it I spend it."
I cheerfully got out the money and handed it to him. So far, he has been good enough to pay me back every time, and I know it would be irresponsible of me to let that slip. Still, I wonder if borrowing money all the time is a good habit. It's not a habit of mine, and it seems to me that borrowing it so that one can go and play on Saturday evening is rather frivolous. But he walked out with an explanation, "It's expensive to have a girlfriend." Funny, he told me that a year or so ago, when the girl he's dating now was dating a friend of his...and that friend told him that girlfriends are expensive.;-)
Anyway, his predictable behavior made me laugh, but it also made me think of how pathetic my relationship with him has become. For the most part, I don't know him. I don't know his goals and ambitions, his heart's desires. I don't know what he's out doing most of the time. In a way, it's not any of my business, but the thing that concerns me is that I've gotten to the point where I really don't care...or at least I don't feel like I care. My brother has become somewhat of an acquaintance. His decisions are his business. Yet, God made me his sister...and so I think there must be some reason for that, and that there is some way that I can influence his life. To be honest, I think part of my motivation in going ahead with the plans I'm making (school, work, saving for a house, etc.) is to be as good of an example as possible in preparing for having a family (if I ever do) or for ministry. But since I'm a girl, will it matter? Am I going about setting an example the wrong way? Perhaps it will be fruitless...all the good guys I've seen around are guys that my brother hardly respects, and whom he admires even less. It has always been that way. What is going to make the difference?
Okay, now if you've read that, I'll just explain right now that I'm not looking for anyone to answer. If you have an answer, I'd love to hear it, but I'm not asking you to come up with one. This is something I'm happy to ponder for now, trusting that God will show me the answer in His time.
So, I got up from preparing a gift for my secret sister and opened the door. He stood there, freshly showered (this was at about 7:30 this evening), rather...well, confident of what I would do, I think. "So, what are you doing?" (Come on now, he only asks that AFTER he's kept his friends up half the night and is bored at home...which is rare, since his friends are usually willing to stay out with him more than half the night.) I can usually tell when questions are not asked for an answer, so I stood there expectantly as he entered my room, waiting for him to make his request. "Do you have some cash I could borrow?" That made me laugh aloud...quite loud, in fact. How's that for a fulfilled expectation? "Twenty would be enough. I can write you a check, but I need cash." I have continued to ask him why he doesn't keep some cash. "Because if I have it I spend it."
I cheerfully got out the money and handed it to him. So far, he has been good enough to pay me back every time, and I know it would be irresponsible of me to let that slip. Still, I wonder if borrowing money all the time is a good habit. It's not a habit of mine, and it seems to me that borrowing it so that one can go and play on Saturday evening is rather frivolous. But he walked out with an explanation, "It's expensive to have a girlfriend." Funny, he told me that a year or so ago, when the girl he's dating now was dating a friend of his...and that friend told him that girlfriends are expensive.;-)
Anyway, his predictable behavior made me laugh, but it also made me think of how pathetic my relationship with him has become. For the most part, I don't know him. I don't know his goals and ambitions, his heart's desires. I don't know what he's out doing most of the time. In a way, it's not any of my business, but the thing that concerns me is that I've gotten to the point where I really don't care...or at least I don't feel like I care. My brother has become somewhat of an acquaintance. His decisions are his business. Yet, God made me his sister...and so I think there must be some reason for that, and that there is some way that I can influence his life. To be honest, I think part of my motivation in going ahead with the plans I'm making (school, work, saving for a house, etc.) is to be as good of an example as possible in preparing for having a family (if I ever do) or for ministry. But since I'm a girl, will it matter? Am I going about setting an example the wrong way? Perhaps it will be fruitless...all the good guys I've seen around are guys that my brother hardly respects, and whom he admires even less. It has always been that way. What is going to make the difference?
Okay, now if you've read that, I'll just explain right now that I'm not looking for anyone to answer. If you have an answer, I'd love to hear it, but I'm not asking you to come up with one. This is something I'm happy to ponder for now, trusting that God will show me the answer in His time.
