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Marriage and Ministry...and Preparation
May. 31st, 2003 10:21 pmNo, not much to say about it, really. My dad told me he's praying for my future husband. My response, "You've got more faith than I do!" LOL! Then he cautioned me to be sure not to fall into the trap of trying to impress a guy. I wonder if that's a blind spot for me. I FEEL like I'm always trying to be as real as possible, because I don't want to be guilty of "false advertising" (not with guys in particular, just with people in general). I want to be consistent instead of hypocritical. But for some reason, my dad thinks I'll forget all that if I encounter a guy I like. That's hard for me to imagine. In the first place, I can't really imagine liking a guy enough to marry him; in the second, I can't imagine trying to impress someone.
But then I mentioned to my dad that I can't get involved with a guy for several years anyway, since I am planning to go to school for at least 4-5 years. "You don't want to put God in a box, though." Then after thinking about it, "But I guess you want to get your degree before you have a child." Yes, definitely.
However, if I find that it is indeed God's will for me to change courses, I will. I don't want to continue on this path to a secular education if it is NOT God's plan for me. As I was reading through various journals I have from past years, I was disgusted with some of what I wrote a few years ago...partly because of the writing style, and partly because of the content. But when I got to this year's journal, I was shocked at what I found. My life has changed dramatically already this year. It's so easy to forget the things that have changed, but it really is a lot. One of the things that is good is that I am becoming more consistent at completing the things on my To-Do List. Another thing I saw was that I had been rather sick for the first few months of this year--sinus and stomach problems (the latter probably related to the former--the mucous made me nauseous). But after I started getting more rest and (wonder of wonders!) taking a little Vitamin C, my health improved remarkably.
Another thing that struck me was all the doubts. Throughout the decision-making process, I have been plagued with doubts. And I still am. It is the honest truth. There are so many things that bother me about what I am doing. On the one hand, it could just be that I'm going to be making some major changes...and I'm not the type to embrace upheaval (who would?). On the other, there could be some major problems with what I'm preparing to do. That's one of the reasons that I picked Titus 2 for focusing on right now...what does God desire for women?
I've read so many things from so many perspectives...but they confuse me. How does a 4 or 5-year post-secondary education fit in with Titus 2 and Proverbs 31? Ye girls who are walking that route, please tell me what you think!
Now here's where I shift gears a little. The issue that has come to somewhat of a forefront for me is that of Christian vs. secular education...and my faith. No, not just the whether or not I'll "lose my faith" deal, but the one of whether I'm really trusting the Lord to provide for me. I got an e-mail from a long-time friend of our family who has spent many years ministering in Cambodia, and she pointed out that a degree from Moody Bible Institute would stand me in great stead around the nation if I chose to work for a Christian organization. I had written to her about the issue of accreditation. You see, I wanted to get something that would make it possible for me to teach in any state, but I don't know how that works (in the first place).
I feel like I'm being really unclear here. As many of you may know, it is my desire to work with unwed mothers...having a home/boarding school for them. To prepare for this, I am pursuing an education IN education. The question is whether I would work under a Christian organization or form "my own" ministry. For the latter, I think that the government would be more open to this if I have gotten an education from schools that are "accredited" (not Bible schools or Christian schools that are in private educational associations). However, an already-developed ministry would probably be even happier with me having a degree from a definitely Christian school.
That, however, has not been my only consideration; the other issue is finances. At secular schools (particularly state ones), I can get a fairly significant amount of financial aid. I already have grants for my first two semesters of school, grants that will pay more than half of my expenses. (Of course, deciding whether or not to pursue government aid was an issue in itself.) Besides that, places like the community college and the university that is just one town south of us are a LOT less expensive than other educational institutions. This issue of finances has been a major consideration for me, since I do not have much money, and I DO have to earn what I cannot get in aid. I appreciate this, since I believe that people value more what costs them something, so I'm not complaining; I'm just saying that it is a consideration. However, there's also the issue of trusting God to provide. So, what should I be praying?=)
In all honesty, if I had my choice, I would go to Bible school--specifically to study the Bible (no, not to meet a guy). However, that would not qualify me to do what I think I need to be qualified to do. On the other hand, it might qualify me for what God wants me to do. Sometimes this issue is too much for me to handle.
I'm still thinking about it and praying about it, praying that God will stop me from what I'm doing if it's not His desire for me. At the same time, I want to have the right goals and the right focus. No matter what, if I lose sight of my relationship with the Lord, I've lost what matters...and that would be the saddest thing in the world. I pray that I will not be distracted.
++++
Sort of on topic, sort of different, if you had only your own inclinations to follow, what would you do with your life? (Financial and other considerations aside, but it most certainly can reflect your desire to walk more closely with the Lord!)
++++
I need to go now, even though I don't think I've explained myself very well...I suppose I could just have said that I am struggling with doubts. I hate talking to people about them (as in, literally, out loud)--if I type it, it gets the thoughts down, but it's not the same as expressing them. I guess when I'm face to face with people, I want to seem confident...I learned that when I was working in a doctor's office. People would believe me only as much as I exuded confidence. Now it's a habit to try to act confident. But I'm not. Or am I? What does it matter, anyway? What matters is who I am in Christ! There's gotta be some practical meeting point, though.;-) I think I'd better get off here before I drive myself and everyone else crazy, though.
But then I mentioned to my dad that I can't get involved with a guy for several years anyway, since I am planning to go to school for at least 4-5 years. "You don't want to put God in a box, though." Then after thinking about it, "But I guess you want to get your degree before you have a child." Yes, definitely.
However, if I find that it is indeed God's will for me to change courses, I will. I don't want to continue on this path to a secular education if it is NOT God's plan for me. As I was reading through various journals I have from past years, I was disgusted with some of what I wrote a few years ago...partly because of the writing style, and partly because of the content. But when I got to this year's journal, I was shocked at what I found. My life has changed dramatically already this year. It's so easy to forget the things that have changed, but it really is a lot. One of the things that is good is that I am becoming more consistent at completing the things on my To-Do List. Another thing I saw was that I had been rather sick for the first few months of this year--sinus and stomach problems (the latter probably related to the former--the mucous made me nauseous). But after I started getting more rest and (wonder of wonders!) taking a little Vitamin C, my health improved remarkably.
Another thing that struck me was all the doubts. Throughout the decision-making process, I have been plagued with doubts. And I still am. It is the honest truth. There are so many things that bother me about what I am doing. On the one hand, it could just be that I'm going to be making some major changes...and I'm not the type to embrace upheaval (who would?). On the other, there could be some major problems with what I'm preparing to do. That's one of the reasons that I picked Titus 2 for focusing on right now...what does God desire for women?
I've read so many things from so many perspectives...but they confuse me. How does a 4 or 5-year post-secondary education fit in with Titus 2 and Proverbs 31? Ye girls who are walking that route, please tell me what you think!
Now here's where I shift gears a little. The issue that has come to somewhat of a forefront for me is that of Christian vs. secular education...and my faith. No, not just the whether or not I'll "lose my faith" deal, but the one of whether I'm really trusting the Lord to provide for me. I got an e-mail from a long-time friend of our family who has spent many years ministering in Cambodia, and she pointed out that a degree from Moody Bible Institute would stand me in great stead around the nation if I chose to work for a Christian organization. I had written to her about the issue of accreditation. You see, I wanted to get something that would make it possible for me to teach in any state, but I don't know how that works (in the first place).
I feel like I'm being really unclear here. As many of you may know, it is my desire to work with unwed mothers...having a home/boarding school for them. To prepare for this, I am pursuing an education IN education. The question is whether I would work under a Christian organization or form "my own" ministry. For the latter, I think that the government would be more open to this if I have gotten an education from schools that are "accredited" (not Bible schools or Christian schools that are in private educational associations). However, an already-developed ministry would probably be even happier with me having a degree from a definitely Christian school.
That, however, has not been my only consideration; the other issue is finances. At secular schools (particularly state ones), I can get a fairly significant amount of financial aid. I already have grants for my first two semesters of school, grants that will pay more than half of my expenses. (Of course, deciding whether or not to pursue government aid was an issue in itself.) Besides that, places like the community college and the university that is just one town south of us are a LOT less expensive than other educational institutions. This issue of finances has been a major consideration for me, since I do not have much money, and I DO have to earn what I cannot get in aid. I appreciate this, since I believe that people value more what costs them something, so I'm not complaining; I'm just saying that it is a consideration. However, there's also the issue of trusting God to provide. So, what should I be praying?=)
In all honesty, if I had my choice, I would go to Bible school--specifically to study the Bible (no, not to meet a guy). However, that would not qualify me to do what I think I need to be qualified to do. On the other hand, it might qualify me for what God wants me to do. Sometimes this issue is too much for me to handle.
I'm still thinking about it and praying about it, praying that God will stop me from what I'm doing if it's not His desire for me. At the same time, I want to have the right goals and the right focus. No matter what, if I lose sight of my relationship with the Lord, I've lost what matters...and that would be the saddest thing in the world. I pray that I will not be distracted.
++++
Sort of on topic, sort of different, if you had only your own inclinations to follow, what would you do with your life? (Financial and other considerations aside, but it most certainly can reflect your desire to walk more closely with the Lord!)
++++
I need to go now, even though I don't think I've explained myself very well...I suppose I could just have said that I am struggling with doubts. I hate talking to people about them (as in, literally, out loud)--if I type it, it gets the thoughts down, but it's not the same as expressing them. I guess when I'm face to face with people, I want to seem confident...I learned that when I was working in a doctor's office. People would believe me only as much as I exuded confidence. Now it's a habit to try to act confident. But I'm not. Or am I? What does it matter, anyway? What matters is who I am in Christ! There's gotta be some practical meeting point, though.;-) I think I'd better get off here before I drive myself and everyone else crazy, though.
