songofjoy02: Me (contemplative)
[personal profile] songofjoy02
I know; I hate them, too...but this one was different. I kind of like the philosophy, except for the emphasis on liquor. But otherwise I have to admit that it pretty much reflects how I live, except that I actually know it's not true...

IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this

true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste

them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your

heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend

the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a

nap.



Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and

corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an

efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?

Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy

vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily

allowance of vegetable slop.



Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we

all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three

categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and

wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves one thing, right? My

advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.



Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to

one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.,



Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good..



Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.

How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?



Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans. another vegetable!!! "It's the

best feel-good food around!"



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets. Have a cookie... One more thing... "When life

hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt."




Don't worry; I'm serious some of the time...;-)

Profile

songofjoy02: Me (Default)
songofjoy02

March 2020

S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
151617181920 21
22232425262728
293031    

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 24th, 2025 12:41 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios