"Quest for the High Places"

I received the book this afternoon and have finished reading it...yes, really. I'm just that way with books.=\ At any rate, I agree with a lot in it...although it did give me kind of a lot to think about. It really made me stop and think about mu goals. And what I'm doing...it seems so different from what the book is talking about...

I don't know. It's funny--she talks about girls dreaming about weddings and romance. Well, I have a hard time dreaming about any of that. LOL! For the wedding, I'd have to have the money to pay for it before I could ever imagine what to do. Even then, the task would be so overwhelming that I'd probably try to get someone else to do it. And as for marriage, it's hard to think about teh romance when what comes to mind is who's going to pay the bills, figuring out exactly what responsibilities each spouse will have, etc.

I know what I think the ideal wife should be. But could I actually live that way? Could I really give up the things that I'm doing now? Would that be necessary? When I was sitting in my car this morning at the high school (I got there early), I saw one of the teachers I had observed walking over to the building--baby and diaper bag in hand. This high school has a daycare program for those students and teachers who have babies (I think that's really cool), so the teachers don't have to take their kids somewhere else. That's so sweet! When Mama's on break, she can go see her baby! =) Anyway...

Seeing all the working women I have during my time "out there" (in the world--school and both jobs as well as other places like the schools I've been visiting) has really made me ponder what my convictions are on the subject. Could I work outside the home and still be faithful to the goals and ideals of Godly womanhood (as a wife and mother)? I think it would be mighty hard...but I do get a big kick out of doing other things. At the same time, I don't like NOT having the time for some of the ministry opportunities the book mentioned--like helping younger mothers. That has been one of my biggest frustrations this semester, actually. I know of at least two mothers who could probably have used my help, but I was unable to help them because I was...in school.=\

Is that really where I should be? I mean, it's for a good cause...I need a degree to be qualified to be a teacher (not that I'll actually ever really get to be a teacher...at least not for very long; I don't know), which I think would be very helpful in my aspirations regarding unwed mothers. The problem comes in that....

1. This degree-seeking is extremely consuming, not leaving time for much, if anything, else and
2. The filth with which I will probably end up filling my mind as an English major certainly makes me question whether this is the right path, since it is basically in direct opposition to Philippians 4:8.

Perhaps the problem is that I'm being small-minded and not trusting God to make His way clear in time. Yeah, I'm planning to transfer to the UofA, but is that really what God has in mind? The truth is that I can't say I know for sure. Right now, I'm taking a year off...and I do believe that's His will for me. For the future? I really don't know.

But then the practical part of me kicks in. I may not pursue English (although I'm 99.9% sure that I will); I may not finish school; I may end up getting married. But then where would I be? Someone has to make a living...and, while it may not have to be me, I'd at least like to be capable of doing it. Surely that is reasonable! And I'm most assuredly not there yet. Oh, I suppose I could get a job somewhere...doing something. And it's not like being a teacher really offers a competitive salary. Still, it would be something. I just don't know.

Education, too, is somewhat important to me...I think I need to have a pretty good amount of it to be a good wife and mother (some of you have acquired it other ways besides school, which is commendable, too). I want to be able to engage in relatively intelligent discussion with my husband, should I marry. I mean, I would like to be a good companion.

Oh, well...anyway...I still have tons of homework to do. I just had to take a little break to get that book read. Now I'll have to decide who gets to see it next. Oh, and I can honestly say...in terms of the actual philosophy of the book, I do think I'm following it pretty closely and that I mostly agree with it. My soul definitely longs more for eternal than temporal romance!=)