songofjoy02: (Josh and Pamela)
[personal profile] songofjoy02
[This entry was posted - by me - to Josh's blog on HSA.]
Okay, so you’re thinking, “Josh is right on about home schoolers. They are that way! They really need to take a look at this.” Or maybe you’re thinking, “How can Josh poke so much fun at home schoolers? Their intentions are good and anyone can be misguided.”

Well, part of the reason Josh has such intimate knowledge of "the ways of home schoolers” is because of his own background. And, lest you think that he would reject himself or anyone else based on such a background, I’d like to take you back in time just a little ways…to both of our lives. And, since it would create an insanely long post for me to give you all the evidence at once, here’s just a little to illustrate our obvious inclination for dressing like home schoolers and also our difficulties interacting with the opposite sex.

This is how we looked when we first met.

This was the first time I recall having seen Josh…and, mostly due to the glasses and how thin he was, I thought he was a very stereotypical home schooler…even rather dorky. (Oh, and you also might like to know that, when I listed the guys I met at the Reunion, he didn’t even make it onto the list, if that tells you what I thought at all.)

I wasn’t really any better, though, as you can see. I was wearing a beautiful floral print, corduroy jumper. Razz And I certainly haven’t been above wearing those denim jumpers he mentioned.

Now, Josh says he got over his difficulties being friendly with girls during his days as a grocery store checker, but I’m here to testify that not all of it left at the time, for when I met him at the HSA Reunion nearly two years ago, I remember being surprised that he introduced himself and shook my hand, but I also remember realizing that his politeness would extend no further, that he would very intentionally distance himself. I guess girls still had cooties back then.

I wasn’t any better, though. Back at home not too long before, I was worrying about a home school guy there. Here are some excerpts from my journal at the time: “I talk to guys at school just fine; I talk to my boss just fine (even about relationship issues he has with his girlfriend...but I'm not the only one [talking to him about it]!). But conservative, ATI guys are just...well, I don't know. We shall see. It's so easy NOT to talk to them. I think the problem for me really is that I am willing to show ‘interest’ in a guy if there's not really a possibility it could ever go any further (if I'm not interested, that is). But in this case...I don't want to imply something that is not true. I don't even know if he's a guy who would be ‘just friends’ with any of the girls at church. I haven't ever seen him talking to the girls...just to ‘adults’ (parents, that is, and married people). I guess it's good that he doesn't seem to be a flirt, though.Smile So that's a bright way to look at it.”

And then I was worried about seeing the same guy again at church…and wrote this:
I don't know what to think. Sunday will be interesting. To make eye contact in front of the church could be embarrassing, especially if I smile back. I talked to a friend about the smiling issue last week and she asked whether that was something I did with other guys, too. At the time, I said yes...and it really is true, but I'm not sure it's true to the same extent! This is really bugging me. And I need to get my homework done. As I wrote in my journal recently, if this is how it is when nothing is happening, I'm not sure what will happen if/when I'm in love with someone! LOL! I won't be able to eat or sleep, right? LOL! I hope that's not going to happen.

But I definitely have issues and I would really appreciate prayer and advice. I suppose I should talk to my parents about it at some point, but my thing is not wanting to raise their expectations or their requirements. I also don't want to cause any awkwardness. I have talked to them about this in general. My dad asks me how it is working with this guy, saying, “This is the first time you've ever worked with a guy your age in this kind of situation, right?” “Right.” So when he asked about how I liked working with Mr. X, I said, “Fine. He's nice.” LOL! ::cough, cough:: What am I supposed to say? He cracks me up every single week...usually several times (so do the other people involved in this activity). And, for what it's worth, my dad has actually conversed with him and thinks him a nice guy (conversed with him enough to know his occupation, etc.) LOL!

I'm pathetic, I know. I'm also way too open for my own good. But as long as you all promise not to tell anyone, I'm sure it will be fine. You're welcome to let me know if you hear that he's engaged, though.Wink I'm pretty sure I'll find that out sooner, though...

Oh, and you know how I said it was so hard to have any kind of casual conversation with him? That changed last night. Poor guys who would befriend me! LOL! I've really been praying to be around other GOOD guys, too. Granted, it could be confusing, but it would at least help keep these things in check (I hope). God has not seen fit to provide that at this point, though.

See, what I really want to know is how, at this point, seeing a certain other guy (whom I've had a crush on for like a year or something) would affect me.

So...anyway...I don't know. Like I said, I do know that I'm pathetic. I also know lots of common sense that you're not supposed to think about marriage with every guy you meet. LOL! But then of course I don't follow that. Although there are some guys that don't cause me to entertain the idea for more than the consideration that I could never marry them, there are others that fit into the maybe category...whether that's a good thing or not, it really is true that I categorize them in that way.

Okay, now I'll go obsess over whether the above-mentioned home school boy will ever see this...and what he'll think, because, after all, I'm a home schooler. Razz
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July 2009

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