songofjoy02: (Default)
Read more... )

Today was my first day of work-study, and I got to search the internet for safety signs and symbols that are country-specific (as opposed to universal). I didn't get very far on that; do you all have any recommendations? Otherwise, my time there was great. My boss is a really nice guy. He has told me that he has a bunch of quirks and can be hard to work with, but I'm having a hard time seeing that. We shall see. He also claims to be disorganized, but his office is one of the neatest places I've ever seen. His filing system isn't quite as organized as those of, say, a perfectionist whose obsession is looking neat...but it's obvious that he has a place for everything, and that things stay in their places...and that he keeps track of them. So to me he seems organized.

My dust allergies have flared up today. I look almost as bad as I feel, I think. My eyes are so puffy! I felt a lot healthier in Hawaii because of the trade winds and the constant fresh air. Yeah, air conditioning is nicer for preventing sweat, but it's definitely not better for my overall fatigue level. Speaking of which...getting back to central time has been very hard. A three day weekend during which I slept in every day was not any help, nor were the two days preceding it during which I went to bed late and rose early (thus getting very little sleep). Now that I'm on a regular schedule, though, I'm hoping that the time change (psychologically) will occur naturally.

I need to clean my room. School and sewing things were dumped out and mostly thrown into the closet, so I need to organize, but I really don't feel like it. I'd rather just go to sleep. However, my mom is taking the boys somewhere to help unload a truck for a friend's mother/grandmother who is going to have to live here now...so I need to be awake for the younger kids.=)

That's my boring entry for the day. Sometime I'll explain how I got this work-study job.=) It's not really that difficult, actually. Remember my Western Civ. teacher from the spring semester? My brother's girlfriend, who works at the school, heard him saying he needed someone to work for him, so she suggested me, but after some time, he realized that I was looking for more hours than he could give (although I would have been happy with the ten he had) and he needed someone ASAP. But he decided to make it his personal mission to make sure that I got a work-study position, and that's exactly what he did. So now I've got a 15-hour-per-week job at the school, and I'm working 1-4 each weekday. I don't think I'll have to change my schedule this semester. Anyway, that's the story...I waited to tell everyone because I had more that I wanted to say about it, but I guess that's enough.

I'm Done!

Apr. 28th, 2004 10:29 pm
songofjoy02: (with malachi)
Well, with "classes." Now for finals. I just found out that I don't have to take a final in Western Civ., though, so I am a little relieved over that...although I wonder if I should do the exam anyway. It's optional and it won't improve my grade, so I'm not sure what the point would be except to be more forthright with my teacher than I have been thus far.=\ The problem is that I have other exams to study for, so I'm really tempted just to let that one go.

So I'm relieved about one final. I have one in Communication on Friday, one in English on Monday, and finals in Music and Chemistry on Wednesday. I should be writing a performance review that I have to turn in for English Monday--I guess I could try to turn it in Friday. And then I'll have an in-class essay in English for Monday's final. The teacher got us the computer lab, but I doubt I'll be able to use it because I don't have an account. I'll see what happens. Maybe someone will be kind enough to sign on for me. We shall see, I guess.

I doubt I have to worry about my final in Music, so I'm mainly concerned about Chemistry...I REALLY need to study for that. I guess I should go and do that instead of typing here. Or I could go to bed, which I should do before the cough syrup wears off. I'm tired. I did some journaling while I was at school today, but it would take a while to type up, so I'll wait on it for now.=) Goodnight! We'll see if I really go to bed now...
songofjoy02: (Default)
But I just realized that I probably was supposed to have turned in some outlines with my take-home exam this afternoon. So I wearily wrote down the information, typed it, and sent it off to my teacher...I'm hoping that the outlines are not absolutely required because he takes 5% off each DAY that an exam is late. I did already turn in the exam, though...all the stuff that I wrote down that he asked for. =\ I hate it when I forget things...but it seems awfully strange that I didn't write down what was required. I was very specific about everything else on the test, but I didn't write that down. I don't know what to think.

And now I'm up, but very tired. My body is rebelling against this whole idea of doing something with my life instead of sleeping it away. Eating so much sugar is probably my problem.=\ More frowns than you can imagine...hmm...

I went to a concert tonight...but it was less than an hour, so I don't get to use it for Music Appreciation credit. However, it was at a local Middle School...so it was a very good experience for me. I think I tend to overlook the practical aspects of teaching 7-12th grade. So I figure that I should spend more time in that environment. I need to check into that, especially since my speech Friday is going to be about the need for people to get involved personally...in educating our nation's children. Don't want to be a hypocrite! Of course, I am studying to be a teacher...

I am going to work tomorrow...unless, of course, something disatrous happens. Secretary's Day is Wednesday, so my boss expects to have quite a few orders. We'll see what happens with all of that. I love going to work.=D

I'm a control freak...my obsession is not food, either. I am obsessed with obtaining perfect grades (not that I'll ever achieve that goal) and ALWAYS being on time...although I can't achieve that, either. I'm frustrated to realize that I need to have balance in this area...I can't be as obsessive as I am, but I can't give it all up. And that's tough.=\

The other thing that I've been thinking about (well, one of them) is randomness. I was reading about Chance Music in my Music Appreciation textbook, and I just had to start thinking about how much people prize "randomness." Instead of embracing order...which is what really started me thinking. For one thing, scientific experiments seem to indicate that the universe is governed by orderly laws; secondly, science seems to show that order in music is a positive thing, at least for mice and plants...and that exceedingly disorderly music is BAD for them. But our society embraces disorder, randomness, chaos...just another symptom of rebellion? Somehow, the idea seems really related to our individualistic mindset...but maybe I was just thinking about that in another context. We think we are progressive because we allow so much for the development of the "individual" here in the United States. Yet I think that the fall of great empires might have something to do with the overemphasis of individualism. Without a kind of sensitivity to what is happening nationally and a reaction based on loyalty to one's nation, the foundation of the country could easily crumble. But where do you draw the line between caring about the state and caring about the individual...in an individualistic sense? Seems like such a delicate balance...like everything else.

Okay...I should think about getting to bed. Goodnight, you all!

I'm looking forward to hearing about the birth of a certain baby soon...=D
songofjoy02: (Default)
And I have wanted to respond to so many entries, but time gets away from me each day as I strive to fulfill homework assignments. I have thought of wonderful things to say on here, but never have the time. Finals are the first week in May and summer school won't begin till May 24, so maybe I'll have a little extra time in there for posting...if I'm not busy with other things (like cleaning my room in preparation for getting new carpet).

We still have sickness at our house, which is kind of disgusting. I feel so sorry for the little ones because there is nothing I can do to help them.=\

Classes are going relatively well, but my fatigue is increasing. I have a take-home Western Civ. exam due on Monday, so I'm working on that now. I have most of the stuff typed up, but the teacher wants it handwritten, so that will take some time. My handwriting is not super slow, but it's definitely slower than my typing! I'm also trying to fit the information on to as few pages as possible because the essay is really only supposed to be three to five pages, which isn't a whole lot considering that the teacher DOES want me to be thorough. Although I hadn't planned it initially, my essay is going to be about Christianity. I would post it here, but I think there would be too much explaining involved. Then again, a lot of you are college students, so you have an idea how some teachers think...haha. We'll see.

Anyway, I'm still following posts some and trying to keep up. I think about the expectant mothers regularly and look forward to the arrival of all the babies. They are all first-borns, aren't they? Haha...they'd have to be if their moms have time to journal, right?

Well, that's all for now...maybe later I'll have time for more private journaling. I've been looking at my off-line journals from that past few years and it just amazes me to see how much my parents have really influenced my to make God's Word the foundation of my life. At first, I thought that was going to make school really hard, but now I think that I'm more prepared through studying God's Word than I could have been through any other "text." As I read through my journals, I saw outlines and notes and everything that teachers have wanted me to do for my classes. I cracked up when I realized how much I had learned without even realizing what was happening...I thought I was "studying the Bible," but it was so much more...spiritually AND academically. Of course, the plus side to college is being able to apply what I learn there to my study of God's Word.

Hmm. I really should go and finish that test. I think the rest of my homework for Monday is done, though, so I'm pretty happy about that.
songofjoy02: (Default)
With lots of homework, too. But I'm reading Randy Alcorn books for now...I'm so tired of all the hopelessness at school that makes me want to cry...with the constant stream of ideas that I know are contrary to God's Word but that I have had little time to measure accurately against it. I'm tired physically, too, but that's just the way it's going to have to be.

Reading stuff by Randy Alcorn really makes me stop and think. For one thing, he says things very well...especially for a Christian writer. And his ideas make sense. And he's talking about issues that interest me greatly...things I intend to make a big part of my life in the hopefully not-too-distant future. But I guess what has really made me stop and think is the stuff he has said about having an eternal perspective of my life here. In the last few weeks, I have come to realize how little I think that my secular education really "counts" for what God would have me do.

In fact, I've been convicted at just about every turn as I write what I know teachers want me to say...even while realizing that I'm selling myself short by not digging deeper. But who wants the deeper? Who wants me to get it down to the issue of truth? All I have to do is consider matters on a superficial level, the level the teachers give to us in class (if they're good teachers, that is)...and I've got what they want, apparently. Maybe more details would be helpful, but the essence of the "opinion" I've expressed is pretty much what they desire. I feel stupid saying the things I've said, though. And it's not that they're wrong in a sense so much as that they fall short.

An example:

As I evaluated the questions my Western Civ. teacher gave us to prepare for the essay part of our first exam, I began to see a recurring theme in my general answers (based on the material presented, that is)...and do you know what that theme was??? Hopelessness! For every comparison of religion, government, and daily life in ancient civilizations, I saw the same thing...the same characteristics, the similar motivations and their outworkings. And that is exactly what I wrote in my essay; I conveyed an idea that the teacher had strongly implied if not explicitly stated. "Good thoughts," by his standards (unless he was being kind, which I'd like to hope)...and he's probably the most thinking teacher out of the several I've had so far. But I didn't say what I really thought, and that's what bothers me...I really think that the issue is not all the characteristics of politics, religion, and daily life (although they matter), but one of whether what each culture believed was true. In my teacher's approach, it's pretty much all false...or greatly stretched, at the very least. Not a very hopeful approach, but perhaps an "objective" one. But at least I could ask the question about truth, right? I didn't, though.

I struggle to discern whether it's enough to write these things down at all or whether I must say them to a teacher. Most of the time, they don't fit the assignment...of course, my idea of fitting an assignment is giving the teachers what they want. And, after all, I'm not really there to share my opinions with the world (though some would say that I'm opinionated). How honest must I be?

I turned in my little analysis of Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House, but did I ever get down to what I really thought was true of Ibsen's ideas? No, indeed! I was simply analyzing his story. Shouldn't my analysis consider whether what he thought was correct? Yet when there's any potential for disagreement I find it easiest to avoid it so that I don't have to deal with any difficulties.

Randy Alcorn's emphasis on the "Audience of One" made me think, though. Does it really matter what grades my teachers give me? Does it matter what anyone thinks of me? This life isn't going to last forever. I know that it does matter that people see Christ's love through me, but my desire for their acceptance and even agreement is primarily self-centered...I want my arguments to be so strong or so qualified that NOBODY can disagree with them. Maybe that would be great in a court of law, but here in life...things are true or not true regardless of my ability to approve them, regardless of whether I've analyzed them fully. What am I worth if I'm unwilling to say what I believe...which I wouldn't believe if I didn't believe it? (After all, a person can only believe what is convincing to him.) If I can't stand up for what I believe, I'm really not sure that I belong in school. Sure, I face the issue of casting pearls before swine, something I greatly desire to avoid, but...I think I probably suffer more from the folly of concerning myself with what others think of me rather than considering their true heart responses. In reality, all that should matter to me is that I be a vessel used for honor.

Of course, I've had a few doubts lately about how honorable a vessel I really am. Maybe it's just the way the real world is, but I find people not assuming me to be as naive as I assumed they would assume me to be.;-) Sorry about the assumes, but I assume you'll get it. Seriously, I expected my conservative dress to make them think I'm some kind of goody-two-shoes Sunday school girl, but that's not quite the reception I have gotten. I'm not sure whether it's because I don't emanate naivete quite as much as I had anticipated or whether people just aren't familiar with "my kind." I told some people in my class today that I was home schooled and one of them seemed quite surprised (I don't know if they others were or not). To me, it seems pretty straightforward and obvious...shouldn't everyone be able to tell? Apparently not. I also expect them to think me inferior for it. (What IS up with that in my thinking, anyway?) I expect them, at least, to consider me ignorant...on just about everything. But even my English teacher seemed a little surprised when I told her that I hadn't heard even the most common terms for specific literary devices until I took Comp. I last semester. At the very least, I'm not projecting the image of myself that I have...not at all in the same negatives and positives. And I'm really not sure whether that's good or bad. But we shall see.

Anyway, I'm thinking about doing some serious journaling this week if I can force myself to do it. I know it will help to get out pent-up thoughts and emotions, but I'm not sure if I have the energy. I have lots of things I want to ask you all. I can't remember what it is at the moment, though...so I'll have to come back some other time in the not-too-distant future.=) Have a great spring break!
songofjoy02: (Default)
But just barely in this case! I was right on the edge of a B at 90 (my very lenient school gives A's for 90-100%)...in my much-obsessed-over-Western Civ. class. According to my instructor, "Study groups, not the last minute kind, work." =) I think I can do better on the test next time and I KNOW that my study partners can, so I'm looking forward to "conquering" the next exam. I really do need to write and memorize four (or at least three) essays in preparation for the exam...and I need to study the text more closely. That is the closest I have ever come to a B and it is too close for comfort at this point.

In other news...there is no other news. I've been spending too much time on studying.;-) Actually, the truth is that my "social life" (which people probably don't consider a social life) has picked up along with schoolwork to such an extent that I've had barely any time on-line and practically no time for journal entries. I have so much I would love to say, so many interesting experiences with people, but because I share it with others I am no longer overwhelmed with the desire to "tell someone" about it.

So forget all that and get to the heart of things here. I am going through serious baby withdrawal, but I have neither the time nor the energy to wish seriously for another baby in this house. My desire to get married has increased somewhat, too, as I hear a constant "attack" on God's design for marriage...not just in people who are promoting a redefinition of marriage, but also in people who promote individualism. I have a sense of not belonging.=\ And a desire to go to Bible school...but without leaving home and without doing distance learning (which is why, of course, I say GO). But I want to have a high-quality education. So many desires that seem to be rather conflicting, but all in God's time. It's not that I think Bible college can't provide a quality education, but that I really want to make sure that I get a WELL-rounded education. I want people to make me think BEYOND what is required/desired at secular universities.

So, anyway...I need to get on with other things.

Mar. 3rd, 2004 11:15 pm
songofjoy02: (Default)
Fatigue happens when I study till four in the morning, leave for school at about seven, and get home from church at about half past nine in the evening...and then procrastinate about going to bed. I'm so glad to have my Western Civ. test over...the only little thing I have to worry about now (well, I don't HAVE to and probably shouldn't) is what the teacher will think of the work I turned in. If he is able to complete things in time, I should be able to find out in about a week. If my hours and hours of study did not pay off in a good grade, then I'm not sure what I'll do.=\

I'm so tired that I am having difficulty thinking straight at the moment. Hannah and Lucy, thank you for your encouraging comments on my post from yesterday! I really appreciate it. God has been good. Although I was very tired and not quite as perfectly prepared for the exam as I would have liked to have been, the Lord did give me peace, joy, and a very clear focus as I took it. Now to wait.=)

Hope everyone is well!

I Give Up

Mar. 3rd, 2004 01:30 am
songofjoy02: (Default)
I'm sincerely at the point of being ready to give up studying for tomorrow's exam. I have spent more hours than I'd like to think in preparation for the exam...it has taken over my time, my thoughts, and even my body--because my tremors are increasing with my nervousness. And I'm getting more nervous as I study more because I realize just how much information there is for me to know. At first, I thought it would be within the realm of possibility for me to succeed, but now I think I'll be in good shape if I remember even half of the information that we have studied.=\

I'm so tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of thinking about how to say something that I don't even care to say. I have my own opinions, my own passions, my own focus...some of it will fit into the essay guidelines, but most of it is just occupying space in my brain. I'm starting to see how a lot of things fit together. But there is no assignment that will allow me to sit down and plot it all out on paper. Instead, I must figure out how to conform my presentation to a teacher's expectations. Not that that's a bad thing, but it definitely lets me know how free I was as a home schooler.

I'm frustrated, nervous, and so tense that I'm almost sick to my stomach. And I know that it's all wrong. I know that I shouldn't feel this way. I know that my grades are too important to me. I know that I'm not showing Christ's love the way that I should be. You know what I know that discourages me so much? No matter what I do, I will fail at something. Success means sacrifice...that is, success in one area is requiring sacrifice in another. Or so it seems. The reality is that I'm not focusing on the real definition of success, which, for me, is defined in having God's approval on my thoughts, words, and actions. I know it in my head and I know it in my heart...so why the problem?

The worst part is knowing that my obsession is usually ridiculous. Read more... )

Now. I'm trying to figure out whether I need to write my annotated bibliography for my research paper tonight (for English) or whether I can wait until another day. At 2 AM, I still haven't finished my outlines for my Western Civ. essays...and I do have to do at least one more of them to make sure I'll have something to put down for an answer on the essay part of the test. I don't know the ID dates; I could write them out all night, but doing anything related to Western Civ. is so agitating that I don't think it would be worthwhile to do it right now. I'll be in good shape if I can finish one more outline. Meanwhile, I need to shower and spend some time in the word. Late nights do not agree with me any more than stressful tests.=\

Sorry if my entries are boring or depressing right now...so's my life. May one of the scriptures for which I was named come true even now: "Weeping may remain for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." I trust that things will look brighter tomorrow. And at least all this "venting" and analyzing here has helped. Now the question is whether I should leave it public and have people who know me feel so uncomfortable that I'm baring my heart to the world or whether I should make it friends-only. I think I'll leave it public, though, because it really defines who and where I am right now. Nothing juicy like crushes on guys or even interesting encounters with people.=)

LOL!

Mar. 2nd, 2004 03:28 pm
songofjoy02: (Default)
Songofjoy02 and School_work
  • Might conceive a pair of adult kids.
  • Are prone to hold hands on Saturdays.
  • Disappoint their fanbases by always staying together.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy


The irony is that those are both my journals...me with my school work. Hold hands Saturdays, always together? That definitely describes me with my schoolwork. And as for adult kids...well, that's not so funny when I realize how much time I've been spending with people who fit that descriptionl.

Good laugh when I feel like crying...and almost know that I'll really feel like crying after I get my test back...my test that I take tomorrow. I'm torn...on the one hand, I feel like I'm not doing enough because I am not pursuing this far enough; on the other hand, I'm not doing other things that I probably should be doing...because this is in the way. Tomorrow evening will be freedom...at least from that exam. =\
songofjoy02: (Default)
If I did what I should, I would not go to bed tonight. I think I must be an obsessor...if that's a word. No more lectures before the exam...what we haven't covered we must figure out for ourselves from the text or other sources.

Oh, sorry. I'm talking about Western Civilization I...the one class I'm taking in which the teacher actually requires (yet doesn't expect) for us to know ALL the information...and grades accordingly. An A in this class is supposed to be a miracle. A classmate who had the same teacher last semester is HOPING for a B! He's really hoping for an A, but he doesn't seem to expect it. So I'm a little...uncertain. I won't say nervous because I honestly feel like I'm doing my best to get it all. But whether I meet the teacher's requirements or not is another matter.

Hmm...

Feb. 21st, 2004 09:13 pm
songofjoy02: (Default)
I wonder how to get myself out of my procrastination mode here. I have an English paper [rough draft] due Monday that I should try to complete this evening because I will not have time to work on it tomorrow. =\ Why are Sundays nearly always so busy? But maybe that's true of almost every day. I managed, amazingly enough, to avoid going anywhere today. I never dressed to go anywhere, though, and that is probably why.

I actually need to write about six other relatively short papers, but they aren't quite as important as the English paper. If anything, I need to finish putting the when, what, and why on the 33 ID's my Western Civ. teacher has given us. I borrowed three books from the library related to my Western Civ. class. I figured that knowing more would help me understand things better. The only problem is my tendency to fall asleep while I'm reading. I also have two books on Franz Liszt. I completed one, but I still need to read the other...and find at least two more non-internet sources. The on-line sources will be easy to find (I've already visited a couple of Liszt sites), so I'll save those for last.

Thursday, I went to the library and borrowed "Pamela's Prayer," "Gulliver's Travels," "Sense and Sensibility," and a documentary about an autopsy on an Egyptian mummy. I have watched all of those already even though we attended a concert Thursday night and I went to school on Friday afternoon. I think I will do "Sense and Sensibility" for my novel and film analysis in English...that will definitely be less complex than "Gulliver's Travels" (I think), since S&S probably won't require an in-depth study of political science of that time! I liked "Pamela's Prayer." This was the first time I had seen it, and I didn't really know what to expect. And of course my response was to hope that if I marry someday, I'll be able to marry someone like Pamela's dad.;-) Seriously...but it was a little strange to hear them saying my name so much. As for the movie itself, it was, as my brother said, "obviously scripted." The actors were a little mechanical in saying their lines. But it was still sweet.

I've been reading Western Civ. history this afternoon, and I took a little break to read about "Oedipus," which we'll actually be covering in English as well as in Western Civ. That works well for me, since I think it will mean that I'll have a better understanding of both. I started reading "Antigone," but I was too tired to get very far. Now it's time for me to get back to work, I guess. Procrastination really isn't that profitable.

LOL!

Feb. 17th, 2004 11:58 pm
songofjoy02: (Default)
I'm bored and ready to go to bed...even though I know it would be far better for me to study like crazy for tomorrow's chemistry test. I am definitely not good at getting scientific stuff fast...but that's what I get for not studying all along. That's also probably why I haven't done so well on that subject. Hmm.

But anyway...the reason I'm laughing is because I'm so bored that I actually looked to see what might be at a web site called stupidity.com. I mean, I just wondered what someone might put on the web on that subject. And guess what? There's really a web site and it is really devoted to the subject of stupidity! I just started reading the intro. to the first book and it is positively hilarious! I haven't looked carefully to see whether it's supposed to be funny or not, but it cracks me up.

On a more serious note, I went to see the lawyer today...and got a lot more money than I expected. Of course, that wouldn't have to be much, since I didn't expect anything. But it was enough that his third of the money made him very happy.=) And he apparently didn't have too difficult of a time in obtaining it. I'm very grateful that the bills are all paid. But with what I got, which was a little more than a third of the amount, I am going to be able to pay my car insurance for the next six months AND purchase two tickets to Hawaii so that my mom and I can go in August. If anything, this is definitely a clear confirmation that going to Hawaii IS in God's plans for me. I am very amazed and blessed...

Because...my saving for that plane ticket is not going too well right now. In fact, it is not going at all...because my work is basically seasonal, I'm on "vacation." That's very helpful for me in terms of school because of the exams I'm preparing to take (although I'll be going full speed ahead with work AND school at the time of finals)...but it's not helping me save. But anyway, here's this money. Somehow, I never seem to trust that God can provide funds from "other sources." I don't know why. But His provision over the last year or so--not just of things that I need, but things that I want--has been incredible.

Next week, my family is going on an anti-fungal diet. That should be very interesting. It's basically meat and veggies the first week...no grains or potatoes or fruits besides green apples and citrus. No cheese or other dairy besides yogurt. And, of course, no sugar. To be honest, I'm not planning to observe the diet. But maybe I should. I don't know. I don't think I have the problems, but I suppose the diet would at least improve my health. Still, I'm not sure I could live with it...=) I have never gone on a diet before so I have no idea if I'd be able to maintain it.

I'm getting really excited about all the babies that are on the way. I suppose I've probably congratulated the people, but I doubt that I fully expressed how very much I'm looking forward to hearing about the births. There were two newborns at church on Sunday and one of them was just to my right...I was SO distracted. Newborns are so exciting! But, alas, neither of the newborns belong to people I'm really acquainted with...and the expected ones are not in families that I normally interact with, so I'm a little sad. I want to hold a newborn! That's so weird. But anyway. I doubt I will for a long time.=( That's kind of silly for me to say. Oh, well.

Monday, I met with a guy from Western Civilization for a "study group meeting." Two ladies were supposed to be there also, but one was in class and the other had forgotten due to a math test. But I talked to the guy--a Republican and a Christian--about the questions that will be on the test and we eventually talked about what the instructor believes, etc. I said that I was incredulous that the teacher could believe all that he says...but the guys says that he has actually sat down and talked to him about it and he really does believe quite a bit of what he says. I find that so difficult to believe, and yet...it's rather apparent. When someone asked him whether he's an atheist or agnostic, he replied that he is an agnostic. His reason: "The concept that God sits on His throne and judges is too simplistic for me." I suppose one could call his emphasis on science/nature/knowledge agnosticism, but it's really humanism because God's not big enough...right? Sometimes his logic strikes me as faulty, but it's hard for me to see how to combat the reasoning of someone who thinks he is correct...in fact, is firmly convinced of it.

I actually spoke to a friend of mine on this subject...do we HAVE to address all the fallacies that instructors put forward? Although I believe that Christianity is perfectly reasonable, I believe just as strongly that unsaved people canNOT be perfectly reasonable...so that the battle for their hearts is not one that can be won in the intellectual realm. While I believe that we should be ready to give an answer to everyone who asks us why we have hope, I don't believe that we should be smart mouths or cast pearls before swine. If Christianity were merely intellectual, that would work...but it's so much more.

As I looked through the essay questions for the upcoming Western Civ. test, I realized that my thesis for most of them could be, "It's hopeless; the world is imperfect and things will always be imperfect in an imperfect world." And I can support that very well. I can support it based on KNOWLEDGE, FACTS. Knowledge without truth, it seems to me, leads to hopelessness. I think that may have been the essence of Pilate's question to Jesus when he asked what truth was. He missed the Truth that stood before him...perhaps because he had become convinced that there was no such thing? Perhaps because he was cynical, like SO MANY intellectuals?! Solomon was rather cynical, too. Knowledge without truth is empty. So if we have hope...=) We SHOULD show it and people WILL ask...sincerely.

Well, that was a much longer entry than I had planned...this journal is, as many of you have noted, a VERY excellent tool for procrastination. But I think I may regret this tomorrow when I'm taking my chemistry test.=\
songofjoy02: (Default)
But that hasn't increased my time on LJ by very much. I did not end up working Wednesday evening or yesterday during the day. Wednesday night, I finished watching an old version of "Jane Eyre" and I slept all day on Thursday...after rising at about seven. Haha. I went back to bed between ten and eleven and did not get up until five. I was able to make myself stay up until a little after two this morning, but it was hard...my body seems to fade right about midnight. Anyway...I have no class until 12:15, so I'm moving at a rather leisurely pace.

I do have plans for the rest of the month, though. Concerts galore to try to get my credits...the only one I'm lacking so far (for this month and to complete all my requirements) is a vocal recital. I wish I could find a good vocalist. I'll have to start checking on that.

2/13
Choral concert...my grandmother's in the group
2/15
Faculty recital at school
2/19
Piano recital of a Steinway artist
2/22
Symphony at the university
2/24
Trumpet recital by a trumpet instructor at the university

We'll see what March holds as far as concerts...I can extra credit for extra concerts, so that should be fun. I'm guessing that I don't need to stress out over that class since it's so simple to get extra credit.

My Western Civilization (I) class is just a little more challenging because the instructor actually intends for us to know the stuff that he teaches and what's in the book. I need 90% of 320 points to get an A in that class and I'm starting out with 7 bonus points. Twenty points are for attendance (which I will get because I do go to every class...I believe that his policy is to award those points to the people who miss three or fewer classes...giving NONE of those points to students who miss more than that).

The tests consist of multiple choice, short answer, and essay questions. First, he has 16 multiple choice questions worth 2 points each. These will be based on all of the readings that we have done, so I guess I should pay more attention to the details than I normally do. The second part of the test is IDs, which he has given us along with the readings--other teachers call them terms. At any rate, he will put a list of 8 (out of at least 24 that he has given us) on the test for us to pick 3 to give the when (1 pt. each), what (3 pts. each), and why (3 pts. each). We must be precise and thorough on each of those areas if we desire to get the full points. Between the 16th multiple choice question and the extra point for the IDs (21 instead of 20), he says we have 3 bonus points built into the test. We'll see!

The other 50 points on the test are for the essay question. We have been given four to study and compose rough drafts for...four 2-4 page essays (I'm not sure how we're going to confine ourselves to 4 pages, but I guess we won't have long enough to make it much longer). He wants us to be thorough and to write the essays well and to think for ourselves. So, anyway, he will have 2 of the 4 questions on each of our exams and we will answer only 1. He grades on all of the above-mentioned aspects of the essays.

I'm meeting with a study group Monday to discuss initial drafts even though the exam itself is not until March 3rd!

So that's my life right now...I do need to get ready for school so that I can leave early or study more here at home.

Well...

Feb. 10th, 2004 06:04 pm
songofjoy02: (Default)
My busyness should end at 1:00 P.M. on Thursday...because that is our cut-off time for getting Valentine's Day stuff to the stores. That means that there will be a lull in the work until things are together for Easter, I guess. I'm kind of excited about the prospect of having more time to study. I find that studying and sleeping are very useful activities for achieving good grades in school.

Anyway, what I need to do right now is study for a Music Appreciation test for tomorrow morning. I'm hoping the insructor will delay it because we missed Monday, but she had originally slated it for Monday, so I don't know if she will want to extend it further. I have a chemistry test one week from tomorrow and a Western Civ. test two weeks from tomorrow. It's nice to have them spaced apart that way. I've already taken my first test in Fundamentals of Communication and my only other class is English (I think our only "exam" will be a self-assessment in-class at the end of the semester), so I will soon be done with the first round of tests.

So...study tonight...school tomorrow during the day...church tomorrow evening...working tomorrow night...work Thursday up to the cut-off. Then my life will be easy.=) The only thing about not working is that I'm going to be saving less for my trip to Hawaii, but I'm hoping to have enough for a ticket soon. Speaking of money, it appears that the lawyer who is handling my accident case will be getting money above medical and legal expenses. I'm hoping that my mom will get most of that money since she was the main one who was inconvenienced, but we shall see...it would be great if she could have it for a ticket to go with me to Hawaii.=)
songofjoy02: (Default)
Seems to be a recurring theme of most of my teachers. I won't say all because I don't think my chemistry teacher is quite as strong on it as my other instructors are...but then my chemistry teacher is significantly older than my other instructors (who are twenties to forties or fifties, while he is probably in his late seventies). My English class is focused on literature that emphasizes the importance of self-expression...my communication class basically emphasizes self-expression. My music class is more about analyzing the expressions of others. And my history class is about how women and poor people were prevented from being all they could have been. Of course, that is kind of the theme of the readings for English, too.

Now, I am all for expressing my opinion...exercising my "Constitutionally-guaranteed freedom of speech" (as my communication book says)...BUT...why this focus? Why is it "me"? Why is everything so self-centered? I almost get the impression that self-expression/making one's voice heard is of greater inherent value than having/forming a correct (but unspoken) opinion about something. People are more preoccupied with thinking freely than thinking truly...and, in ignoring the truly, they miss the freely. Still, all this has started me thinking...

What is the best road to "self-actualization"? In Sunday school this past Sunday, we talked about a specific person (an actress of whom I hadn't ever heard) who is obviously not happy and obviously rudderless. Apparently, she has done quite a bit towards "expressing herself," to getting down to who she really is...or at least making an effort to do so...but it keeps changing. That made me start thinking about my how my history teacher refers to religion as one method that people have used to control others...obviously factual, but interesting to consider in application to Christianity. There are other faiths for which people are willing to live and die, but Christianity is not just a hopeful kind of hope, but a "blessed assurance" kind of hope of which we can be certain...it provides a peace that passes all understanding RIGHT NOW. Or maybe I should say that the Prince of Peace gives us peace that passes all understanding. But in a logical, philosophical sense, if you were to assume that all things were physical, natural...nothing spiritual (although this entire concession would be somewhat of a contradiction), it would seem that people still have some kind of response to the religious...something that gives them motivation to live, and to live in a way that gives them satisfaction...at least to some extent (I do not know how it is for the unsaved). So even if people choose not to recognize that there really is a basis for Christianity, they cannot deny that it does give people some guidance...something that allows for true "self-actualization" (in the paradox of losing one's life to save it, which I'm sure would sound illogical to most people...if not all people, from a finite perspective). Something's there...something's to it. I'm almost scared to read biographies of the "best" poets...those horribly depressed people, many of whom have committed suicide. Is their poetry "self-actualization"?

I'm not expressing my thoughts very well here, but I guess what I'm wanting to say is that the self-centered approach doesn't work...that there's a way that does work...that people will try to ignore the way that does work...that it's all very sad. People shouldn't have to spend their whole lives analyzing themselves...knowledge of the truth would be all they would need (God's Word provides the best basis for finding out our true selves!).

Okay, I'd better stop...this is what I do when I'm tired. I have been thinking about this stuff as I've wrapped coke baskets in cellophane...as I've driven back and forth between activities...as I've done anything that doesn't require much use of my mind. Obviously, something's wrong...and I know Someone who has the answer...but people don't want to hear it. Instead of wanting to hear hope, they want to know how to describe and analyze hopelessness. Instead of wanting to be clean, they want to explore the mud in the pig sty. It reminds me of a man in Pilgrim's Progress who spent his whole life looking in the straw for treasure while someone held a crown that he would have seen if he had only looked up. I am praying that the Lord will show me how to demonstrate His love so that people WILL look up!
songofjoy02: (Default)
Can you suggest a good web site for me to find out the instrument groups and individual instruments in standard music groups (concert band, string quartet, etc.)? I am supposed to attend eight concerts for Music Appreciation, at least one for Western Civ., a play for English Composition II, and who knows what else. At least two of my teachers are absolutely bent on my gaining something from the class...which is a good situation...actually, make that three. Let me think about that...and just make it all four of the ones I saw today. They are all going to have extra work on their hands to ensure that we are progressing. I think this semester will be more time consuming than my last semester, but I think I will also learn a whole lot more...and probably feel like I deserve whatever grades I get.

I saw lots of people that I met last semester, but not too many friends, and only one person from church (I didn't even see my brother and his girlfriend).

Well, I have procrastinated too long about homework, so I should go...I need to be energetic when I rise tomorrow and go to work to continue the inventory process, which I hope is mostly done!

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